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Love and Hate
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Love And Hate's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
5:40 pm
Anyone here?
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
9:14 pm
An update
No one has written in this in forever.. But I created it so I guess it makes sense for me to update it.. You would think with the goings on that I would have so much pent up hate in my heart and soul... Blackness taking over all the good inside of me... Swollowing the love the pinkness of my insisdes... But in all actuality.. The only thing that I've gained is a new found respect for love.. The love that I've gotten from everyone when it came to what's gone on.. The love I got to experience after I nearly died.. The love I got to experience when my ex-fiance came into town and raped me. I was greeted with love and I didn't expect that at all. I want to hate soo much. I want to hate the guy who slammed into the back of my car and nearly killed me.. But I don't.. I believe everything that happened to me, happened for a reason.. I would love to hate Matt for doing what he did to me... But everytime I think about it... All I can think about is karma.. And I move past it.. It's still there and the ability is still there.. But I know he'll get his and in the end I am still the better person.. I am still me and the greatness that has become me.. And no one and nothing can take that away. It can phase it but it wont break it. And that is a big thing for me. And I hold onto that to get me through. Because I am better then what has befallen me. I am bigger then those who try to crush me.. I am me.. And there is no way to stop me from being just that!

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
8:43 pm
I figured out today why it is that me and girls don't fucking get along.. Like no offense to smoe of the chicks I chill with like Kristina and Deanna.. But I became friends with a female who proved to me why I didn't like girls and why I stayed away from them and stuck to being friends with guys... Shit hurts when you get backstabbed by someone you thought you could trust!
Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
4:32 pm
I noticed it has been a while sense anyone has wrote anything so I thought I would update a little sense it is my loverly created community.. I have been missing my friends alot.. but it's hard when you get older and people start to leave... I am in love as usual.... Tommy still lingers in my head and from time to time I run into a picture and I thnk about stuff and it sucks.. But I don't dwell on him like I used to.. I have been trying to look into having fun which seems to be more of a challenge then I would have liked to have thought.. But it's kool...
Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
10:29 pm
I hate when people lie.

I hate the drama.

I love Ryan. And no one will change that.
Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
1:57 am
A Question For All Members...
Perhaps I misunderstood the communities purpose when I joined, but I oringally thought it was a place for people to post experiences and ask questions or for advice, or for poetry. It seems recently it has also turned into a Photo poem with pictures that are quite large.

But to get to the point, I'm not a moderator or anything I'd just like to know -- What do other memebers think? Can we all agree to put pictures behind a cut if we are going to be doing multiple posts with multiple pictures? It would just be easier as the last 4 posts have had over 6 pictures, and it contributes to load times significantly. Thanks :)

Current Mood: lazy
Saturday, October 16th, 2004
9:33 pm

When all is said and done
And dead does he love you
The way that I do
Beathing in lighting
Tonight's fighting
I feel the hurt so physical

I'm gonna stop posting on my blurty journal cause, my boyfriend stumbled upon it and now he is pissed at shit I wrote a long ass time ago. He stumbled on it...I just am like stumbled uh huh...IF he stumbles on this I won't think its a coinsidense. He will probably be pissed it he read that...OK. I am just sooooo fucking frustrated right now.I wanna scream or just KILL....$_$

Current Mood: aggravated
9:31 pm

"...And when you get your heart splattered all over hell and you're feeling really low don't look for me to pump you up again because maybe for the first time in your life...I won't be there."
~Duckie Dale~

Current Mood: anxious
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
9:30 pm

Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back

Monday, October 4th, 2004
11:16 pm

Can't Remember Anything
Can't Tell If this Is True or Dream
Deep down Inside I Feel to Scream
this Terrible Silence Stops Me
Now That the War Is Through with Me
I'm Waking up I Can Not See
That There Is Not Much Left of Me
Nothing Is Real but Pain Now

Hold My Breath as I Wish for Death
Oh Please God,wake Me

bit bored...played some FABLE tonight...posted pics...took some quizes

Current Mood: accomplished
Saturday, September 25th, 2004
8:46 pm
this is me...

Current Mood: confused
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
6:16 pm
Hello everybody...I am feeling alot better today. I got some shopping in my system and I liked that. I got some black hello kitty slippers and other crap. I got some wierd ass looks cause I wore one pink and one black sock. I just laughed...Hell I like pink and black. I am just going on about nothing ok :P well THANKS to everyone who cheered me up. I still feel a little uhh and I don't know. I guess I am just mulling over things with my "boyfriend"...ok enough of my mindless bitching

Current Mood: irritated
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
3:17 pm
second chances
what do u do when someone who u were maddly in love with and would do anything in th whole world forleaves u for someone else.and completly tears your heart out and almost kills you. not just for any someone but a rival. not the point. but then after nto seeing her for a year she comes home and you talk and she desides she wants to cut off all comunication with you completly. then after she moves out of state calls you at 3 in the morning professing her love and telling you all she wants is to be with you and everything will be ok and that she wants to merry you and that there will be nomore pain and that all will be fine.... if u move out of state to be with her. what would u do? cuz i just said let me sleep on it. and the funny thing about telling someone your going to sleep on something like that is well... HOW THE F**K do u sleep when someone says something like that. and why in the hell am i seriously considering it? i should hate her more then anything for the hurt she has caused me but i love her and want to forgive her. what would u do?

Current Mood: confused
3:04 pm
wow it worked!!
::looks around ::blushes and slowly backs away from the computer::

Current Mood: easily amused
2:45 pm
I am happy to see my community is still alive and well.. I mean people don't post like they used to but that is alright.. Any ways.. My relationship is going great although I miss my boyfriend alot considering the fact that he lives three hours away with traffic and I am unable to go up there for like another week or two.. And it sucks... I've been missing alot of the people I am used to being around. Like Pam, Daph, dublin guys and so on and so forth... In the hate type of thing.... I hate people moving and leaving.. It makes me sad!! Like Jeff moved to Alaska and I am all sorts of bummed cause I really loved hanging out with him... John's parents are moving out of state!! I am happy John doesn't seem to be leaving.. But yeah... Thought I would put some fresh info on here.. <3

Current Mood: amused
Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
1:03 am
And now I know that love is dead, You've come to bury me, There's nothing left here to pretend
She dosent think I understand the despair of finding out that someone you're completely attracted to isnt into you. *shakes head* How long have I been actively throwing myself at her?
It dont mean nothing
Aint nothing but a thing
I know this is fucked up, but I've gotten really used to being treated like this - Im completely used to her treating me like a nothing, saying things like "No one loves me" and "Nobody is into me" or my all time favourite "Im not good enough for anyone". Like my feelings dont matter (and yes, I've told her a number of times how I feel about her). Its my own fault - Im the one who told her I wouldnt give up. Im the one who said "Im a big kid, I can handle it, I wont fly off the handle, you can talk to me". I lied. Im not going to fly off the handle, but I do intend to curl up on the floor and cry myself to sleep (again). When I flip out and go on a mass murder spree across the continent, Hes going to be my second target.
And in that instant, I understood Hitler
I understood the desire of an Artist to change the world
Its not like she didnt know. Shit - nine months ago he told her that he didnt want any kind of relationship, all he wants is someone to have sex with. That wasnt acceptable to her (thank god), but she kept holding out for a relationship with him (kinda like I've held out for a relationship with her in spite of being rejected repeatedly). But here I am, talking to her, trying so hard to keep from curling up in a little puddle of despair. If nothing else, being attracted to her is teaching me how to deal with rejection, and its helping me develop an "emotional off switch". Ive never been one of those guys who could just switch off and not give a fuck. I've never dealt with rejection well either.
"We will not capitulate - no, never!
We may be destroyed, but if we are,
we shall drag a world with us,
a world in flames."
She is even saying some of the things that I've said in my paper journals and letters to myself/the world. "I am a fool" and "I feel so foolish". Things I've been writing for years in reference to myself, shes saying. The universal thoughts.

I Am So Dumb
I've had it all forever
I've had enough


You see the cripple dance
Pay your money, baby
Now's your chance
Eyes like cyanide

I am so dumb
Just beam me up
I've had it all forever
I've had enough

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

Our love is quicksand
So easy to drown
They steal the gravity, yeah
From moving ground

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

And now I understand
You leave with everything
You leave with everything I am

And now I know that love is dead
You've come to bury me
There's nothing left here to pretend

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
Under your skin

Under your skin

I carry on because Its all I know

Current Mood: Foolish
Saturday, January 10th, 2004
6:51 pm
errrggg.... i hate fake people, they piss me off. i guess when u think someone is fake and then u realize they aren't.... then u really know them. but god damn. i miss my friends i thought we the best i had.

Current Mood: crazy
Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
1:17 am
What is it like to gain the world, and lose your soul?
Its so hard when you can express how you feel about someone, and they claim they care about you also, but in just a platonic way.
Whats worse is when they show that they do care about you in more than just a platonic way, but the times are far between. Its like being controlled like a puppet by the strings.

Current Mood: jealous
Monday, September 29th, 2003
3:30 pm
Dear World . . .
Inspired by Les Mouches recent post

Dear World,

I thought we sorted this out. I thought we agreed that if I played nice, kept my head down, didn't complain, and worked really hard, everything would be okay. So what the hell happened? I played by the rules and stayed out of your way. Why am I still coming up empty?

I'm not trying to take everything or bankrupt you. I just want to curl up in your arms, feel warmth and never wake up. This isn't what it was supposed to be like, world. You're not holding up your end of the agreement. I'm standing here, waiting, but you're not here. Just this empty hole.

So what do you want me to do? Should I curl up in the cold and pray I dont wake up? Am I going to be tired forever? Should I try to maintain a fading hope? Should I abandon everything and disappear? Or is it going to be like this forever? Should I just accelerate the plan, and execute my final solution?


Emptyness . . . So Much Emptyness . . . Collapse )

X-Posted to my journal, appologys to those who got it twice

Current Mood: lonely
Sunday, September 21st, 2003
2:02 am
I hate being alone
I kissed and hugged my girlfriend this morning and she went off to college. I cried and threw up so much. Im so emotionally exhausted.

hold me now . . . i need assistance . . .

Current Mood: exhausted
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