Screaming at the Stars (alex_all_alone) wrote in pinkandblack,
Screaming at the Stars
alex_all_alone
pinkandblack

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And now I know that love is dead, You've come to bury me, There's nothing left here to pretend

She dosent think I understand the despair of finding out that someone you're completely attracted to isnt into you. *shakes head* How long have I been actively throwing myself at her?
It dont mean nothing
Aint nothing but a thing
I know this is fucked up, but I've gotten really used to being treated like this - Im completely used to her treating me like a nothing, saying things like "No one loves me" and "Nobody is into me" or my all time favourite "Im not good enough for anyone". Like my feelings dont matter (and yes, I've told her a number of times how I feel about her). Its my own fault - Im the one who told her I wouldnt give up. Im the one who said "Im a big kid, I can handle it, I wont fly off the handle, you can talk to me". I lied. Im not going to fly off the handle, but I do intend to curl up on the floor and cry myself to sleep (again). When I flip out and go on a mass murder spree across the continent, Hes going to be my second target.
And in that instant, I understood Hitler
I understood the desire of an Artist to change the world
Its not like she didnt know. Shit - nine months ago he told her that he didnt want any kind of relationship, all he wants is someone to have sex with. That wasnt acceptable to her (thank god), but she kept holding out for a relationship with him (kinda like I've held out for a relationship with her in spite of being rejected repeatedly). But here I am, talking to her, trying so hard to keep from curling up in a little puddle of despair. If nothing else, being attracted to her is teaching me how to deal with rejection, and its helping me develop an "emotional off switch". Ive never been one of those guys who could just switch off and not give a fuck. I've never dealt with rejection well either.
"We will not capitulate - no, never!
We may be destroyed, but if we are,
we shall drag a world with us,
a world in flames."
She is even saying some of the things that I've said in my paper journals and letters to myself/the world. "I am a fool" and "I feel so foolish". Things I've been writing for years in reference to myself, shes saying. The universal thoughts.








I Am So Dumb
I've had it all forever
I've had enough



Dying

You see the cripple dance
Pay your money, baby
Now's your chance
Eyes like cyanide

I am so dumb
Just beam me up
I've had it all forever
I've had enough

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

Our love is quicksand
So easy to drown
They steal the gravity, yeah
From moving ground

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

And now I understand
You leave with everything
You leave with everything I am
Withering

And now I know that love is dead
You've come to bury me
There's nothing left here to pretend
Anything

Remember, you promised me
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
I'm dying, I'm dying, please
Under your skin

Under your skin








I carry on because Its all I know
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